Funniest Chuck Norris Facts

June 3, 2009 | In: Funny Facts

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

When God said, “Let there be light”, Chuck Norris said, “say please.”

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5 Responses to Funniest Chuck Norris Facts



September 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm

There is no such thing as the theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he’s not lifting himself off of the ground, he’s pushing the world down.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

When tax time comes, Chuck Norris sends the IRS a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. Ever.

When Chuck Norris shaves, he has to roundhouse kick himself in the face, because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris IS Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity… twice.



April 21st, 2010 at 1:52 pm

chuck norrises tears can cure cancer….chuck norris doesnt cry



July 2nd, 2010 at 9:07 am

the last one is racist



July 26th, 2010 at 6:11 am

how is that racist you absolute i*iot?



July 2nd, 2012 at 3:05 am

Racist? lol maybe you mean sacrilegious?
That would make more sense, but doesn’t matter to me..either way I think it’s funny.

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